So you’ve met a great guy: you’re attracted to him, you have a lot in common, and you don’t care that he’s been married before.But then you find out the details: he has the scarlet “S” emblazoned on him — separated. ” As I discuss in , a separated man is still legally married, but from a relationship perspective, he and his wife are split up and no longer a couple.He’s in a gray area: not really married anymore, but not divorced either. Yes, you can date him as long as he’s living separately from his spouse and no longer involved with her.
Of all the clients I’ve worked with over 8 years, the most troubled and pained ones are women dating men who are still getting divorced. Separated men know that their Scarlett “S” isn’t a chick magnet, so it isn’t uncommon for them to avoid divulging the truth right away.When online dating, some will label themselves as “divorced.” This is a huge mistake on their part.A man should tell you he’s still going through a divorce during your first couple of meetings or dates. The High Baggage Factor Separated men aren’t ideal men to date, but probably not for the reason you think.His marital status, while clearly not what you want, isn’t the main problem. Moreover, many separated men don’t realize just how entrenched they really are.The problem is that most separated men aren’t ready for a relationship. I’ve had many separated men say the divorce is straightforward or almost over, and two years later they’re still hashing it out with the ex.
They often have high levels of baggage and may be troubled and needy. I’ve seen many say they’re over the marriage, just to realize, months or years later, that they weren’t even close to being over it.They’re struggling financially, fighting their exes in court, dealing with grieving children, and trying to come to terms with their own grief. I’ve seen many men claim they’re emotionally ready to move on, just to get serious with a woman, weigh her down with their divorce drama, then withdraw from her after realizing they weren’t ready to date after all.These men don’t do these things to be jerks — they do them because they’re hurt and bewildered after a painful split, and are stumbling through their new life without a road map. Fortunately, yes, there are exceptions to the above.These are the rare men who have little divorce baggage (e.g.no kids, a decent relationship with the ex, short marriage with few assets to fight over) and who have actively worked through most of the inevitable grief that comes with divorce.These men avoid leaning on a new woman for support through the divorce, and they focus their efforts on making her happy and moving forward.