And given the choice between having just one boy with whom to spend all my time or a group of boys, friends trumped boyfriend.In college there were a handful of guys who probably could have been my first, but things never quite worked out.One guy confessed to having a girlfriend back home just as I started to fall for him.
The most serious contender waited until I was so smitten with him that I would break plans, skip class, call in sick — whatever — to drive hours to visit him, and then dumped me, saying it “just wasn’t a good time for him.”Another reason sex didn’t factor into my coming-of-age years is that I’m a Christian.Not a Bible-thumping, the-world-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket Christian, but a (sexually) conservative, Bible-believing, traditionally raised Minnesota Lutheran girl who was taught that sex is for marriage and that’s that.Heck, the first time I even heard of a blow job was when I threw a party in eighth grade and my mom caught a girl going down on a guy in our basement.There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin. So: There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin. I’m a 26-year-old woman with a college degree, a good job, an adorable duplex and no debt. Wait until the third date and you risk being considered a tease. Perhaps, but at this point you’re both still fretting over whether or not to eat another piece of bread; delving into sexual histories (or lack thereof) seems a bit extreme. I should be better at sharing this bit of information by now.
I have a solid group of friends, a supportive family and a clear awareness of who I am and who I want to be. Yet the moment I have to tell the guy I’m dating that sex is not an option, I become a squirmy, awkward, fidgety girl who can’t make eye contact or put together a complete sentence.Think junior high dance, only without a bathroom to hide in.The Chat was never really an issue for me until three years ago.I wasn’t like many teens, who consider sex a rite of passage.It’s true I always had a crush on one (or two) boys and had my fair share of boyfriends, but no relationship ever got serious enough where sex was even a thought, let alone a deal breaker.For most of my junior high and high school years, I played the role of the friend — the token girl in a group of boys who were more interested in taking my advice for how to ask a girl to prom than taking me to prom.