The Gemara (Sanhedrin 7a) makes this observation with a clever quip: “When our love was strong, we could lay comfortably on the edge of a sword.
However, now that our love is not as strong, even a bed that is 60 cubits long is not big enough!
” This calls attention to the dynamic that when one feels intense passion for another person, flaws and inconveniences are hardly noticed.
Why is it that we lose passion for our spouses over time?
Although in healthy relationships, understanding, respect, love, and admiration actually increases over the years, it is almost universal that passion tends to decrease.
In part, this seems to be due to our biological destiny.
In a new relationship, our bodies are endowed with health and vigor to help propel and motivate us toward the task of bearing offspring.
However, as the relationship grows older, we lose that edge because it is not as necessary for our survival.
Additionally, studies have shown that even a relatively young male who is already married has a lower average testosterone level than his unmarried peers.
Of course, there are many aspects to a relationship, and even if one has less passion, there may be in increased sense of security, stability and emotional intimacy.
Often these qualities can only be developed in a more mature relationship. Nevertheless, for those readers that are not content with accepting their biological destiny, we have the following thoughts: The difference between Man and animal is that Man can use his intellect to transcend his environment and overcome his instinct.
A nocturnal reptile must hunt in the night and sleep in the day.
But a human can choose to work at night or during the day, because a human can use his intellect to create artificial light.
So while there definitely are strong biological and instinctive reasons why a married couple of many years will not feel the same passion as when they were newlyweds, there may be ways to effectively combat this trend.