To a narcissist, it's not their fault they hurt you, it's your fault for being hurt-able. Honesty can impede their self-gratification and compromise their powerful persona, and they don't like that. They're no strangers to being condescending, snobby, clique-ish, elitist and superior; however, they may be very good at hiding their disdain to prevent a loss of popularity, which narcissists know brings them power. The rest of the time, they don't consider it necessary or important to be all that honest. Narcissists have to make themselves feel bigger by convincing themselves others are smaller by comparison. The only time a narcissist has any interest in telling the truth is when it will serve them or cost them nothing to do so.
They believe this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny, agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever.
They may wish they themselves had it so "together" or were so popular.
However, anyone who knows that same narcissist better (family members, longtime coworkers, etc) will tell you the narcissist is one of the most horribly frustrating and toxic people they know, and the mere mention of their name makes them feel uneasy, angry, frustrated or otherwise unhappy. Wonderful" mask immediately comes off, and there is no level they will not stoop to in order to "punish" you.
I must say, when I found this information, I was blown away. Anyone who doesn't know a narcissist well will tell you the narcissist is one of the greatest people they've ever met!
I have posted a list, from a website I found, of things that narcissists do. If you think or choose differently from a narcissist, you're "wrong", and they're "right". Narcissists can be very charming and know how to gain favor.
It's good to know there is a "reason" for her nastiness but it's still not an excuse. No-one else's background, appearance, values, political persuasion, school, preferences, religion, way of life, profession or opinions are ever any good or worthy of their respect unless they themselves value and/or possess the same. Narcissists have two faces -- their real face and their stage face. Which one you see will depend on how long you've known them.
Whatever narcissists HAVE (or think they have) is what they use to look down on others WITH.
From their perspective, you shouldn't care -- you should get it right like they do, and be more like they are. Narcissists with no degree claim educated people don't actually know anything.
If you imply that anything is their responsibility, they give you excuses and lies, and often, if those fail to work, they will finally make it clear that the bottom line is they simply don't care because they don't have to, and the fact that you care is just unnecessary or wrong. Educated narcissists dismiss the opinions of those who have no degree.
(You may be told that you're "choosing" to feel bad about the hurtful things they've done, and that it's the wrong "choice".) If caught doing something insensitive or selfish, they will tell you they "had to" do it because of someone or something else. Narcissists in the working class look down on those with more money.
If your feelings are hurt, it's not their fault; it's your fault - for having feelings. To narcissists the truth is frequently "flexible" and optional. Narcissists with money look down on the working class.