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Full audio: A few years' back, John and his wife were driving back from a vacation in Concan, Texas. I'm fairly sure I could already see a gun sticking out of the driver's side.They had five kids in this van that they had rented for the trip, three of their own kids and then a couple of the neighbor's kids. I mean, it just kind of came out of nowhere and got on my tail and was just so aggressively driving. And it was, you know, driver, with your left hand take your keys out of the ignition and put them on the hood.They stopped at a taqueria in San Antonio for lunch, and then got back on the road. All the kids seemed happy, nobody had gotten hurt on the vacation, lunch was really cheap, though he noticed he was getting some weird looks from other cars on the road. So of course I reach with my right hand, because that just seems impossible. And you have to reach over the steering column and sort of put your hand upside down and then, like, get your hand out the window.And then, outside Sealy, coming into the home stretch of the drive, he sees this Texas Highway Patrol car. And, I want to see your right hand while you're-- you know, and then it was clasp your hands behind your head, and with your left hand open the door, and then get on your knees. You can't really follow all those instructions because you're confused, you don't know why this is happening to you.And he's thinking, maybe the car rental place got the paperwork messed up and reported the van is stolen, or maybe the cops thought they were smuggling people in from Mexico.
They'd been so close to the border on their vacation.So, one of the cops comes out of the car and points a rifle at John's head, while the other one goes over to the van and starts asking a lot of questions of his wife, Jacqueline.And inside the van, of course the kids are terrified. And then, the cop who talked to Jacqueline now walks over to John, over on the shoulder of the road.Well, he says, do you know what your daughter wrote on the car? And he told me that she'd written words to the effect that, please help me, we've been kidnapped, call 911. And then Ingrid was like, well, I didn't write all of it.And he told me, he said, well, son, for 15 minutes there you were the most wanted man in Texas. The cop didn't know that that was one of the neighbor's kids. I just wrote the part about call 911, and Malcolm was the one who wrote, I've been kidnapped.The exact wording, written in dust on the van's back window, was, help, please God, call 911, I've been kidnapped. And John was so humiliated and frustrated, that when the cop asked him if he knew that what Ingrid did was against the law, John's response was, yeah, haul her in, prosecute her. Before long, John was back in the car and on the road. And then, I'm like, well, who wrote the first thing on there. She wrote, help me, please, because she'd been so stressed out by being with those kids, and she knew that she had an hour and a half or so in the car with them left to go before we could get home.